Call it misophonia, call it hypervigalence. A name or term means little.
I find noises and movements/light distracting. Now that may not sound exceptional or different, however it effects me at all times of the day. I pick up every noise like everyone else, but where it changes is that I can’t filter them out. They are all there, building a picture in my head, giving me an awareness of my surroundings. The problem is when I identify unwanted sound. The moment I do, the more it intensifies. The more I think about it, the greater the volume increases, until it consumes my thoughts.
It can render me useless, leave me feeling vulnerable, disable my thought processes.
Movement/light is just as bad. I have to check everything, even though I may be aware of what is there. I need to know my surroundings.
So imagine my average day at work. I sit in an open plan office, with 10 people answering calls, a design team beside, 30 other people me and people constantly walking past. I have two computer screens in my immediate vision, which I can see over the top and a walkway to the right of me. Paying attention can be a challenge. So I use music to subdue some of what is around. But it’s not a foolproof plan. Seldom does it work.
The only real solution. Coming in ahead or after work hours, but then its only an hour or two until the roar of the environment erupts.
Escape is not the solution, merely a temporary way of coping.
But it is why I love the mountains. Simple. Peaceful. Empty.
Around me is an dynamic and swiftly evolving microclimate, and yet it feel natural and makes perfect sense. Call me crazy, but when the preverbial hits the fan and howling winds and driven rain set in, I don’t panic. I absorb, asses and make sense of the ensuing chaos.
I love the mountains